Gronkowski’s fire (you don’t mess with the zoltan)

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Think Tebow-mania has finally died down now that Tom Brady and the New England Patriots put out Tim Tebow’s fire?

It seems John Parr agrees and has taken the opportunity to capitalize once again, but this time with more Zoltan!

Bonus: “Tim Tebow’s Fire” Isn’t John Parr’s First Hit Sequal

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Suburban animal fighter

Earlier today while I was outside on my front porch enjoy a cup of morning coffee, I observed several animals fighting over food. There were squirrels furiously guarding their nuts from other squirrels, all while jumping from the many trees that line my neighborhood. Birds were also battling over scraps left on the sidewalk, jetting in and out of bushes and shrubs. I continued to watch the squirrels and birds throughout their life and death battles–due to my love of nature and furries (not those kind of furries). This natural behavior that the animals were displaying got my brain churning.

This crazy clash of suburban animals would make an awesome video game!

So here is my idea for Suburban Animal Fighter:

Do you remember the Super Nintendo era of gaming where fighters were a dime a dozen? Well, Suburban Animal Fighter would play very similarly along those lines, presenting itself as a 2-D fighter. Think Street Fighter II, or Mortal Kombat, but with suburban animals. I brainstormed a few ideas and special moves for the different combatants. (Keep in mind this is a VERY rough outline)


Ryu and Ken squirrel. See what I did here?

Have you really taken the time to observe these animals as they hunt for food? They are straight up CRA! I personally witnessed a squirrel battle royal in my front yard and it was a miracle none of the squirrels involved lost limbs.

Special Moves:

Nutdoken: Squirrel obviously throws a flaming nut projectile at other combatants.

Squirrelyuken: Like Ryu and Ken’s famous uppercut, but done by a furry squirrel–oh yeah!

The puns truly are endless.


Waiting to destroy oblivious ground critters

There would be a few different types of bird fighters–jays, crows, and pigeons are the most common suburban bird types that I can think of from the top of my head. They would have the ability of flight, but it would have to be minimized for sake of game balance.

Special Moves:

Eye peck: This would be a savage move where our feathered fighter swoops in from the air and attempts to peck out the eyeball(s) of it’s opponent.

Annoying crowing sound: Projectile type attack where bird makes annoying crowing/mocking sounds to confuse and stun their opponent, thus creating an opening for a free attack.

Domestic Household Cat:

Leaping cat hug!

When the household cat isn’t busy taking naps, or annoying their owners with their constant meowing and sharpening of their deadly claws on your expensive furniture, they are out looking for blood. These often cute, but ultimately ferocious beasts could be represented by several breeds and types–short hair, long hair, siamese etc. Fighting styles would be as varied as the breeds of cats themselves.

Special Moves:

Cat nap: A trick move where the cat appears to be cutely napping only to spring forth with claw attack–to the face!

Purr: I have no idea if my cat is happy when it’s purring or pissed, and neither will it’s opponent.

Cat hug: Comes in leaping and none leaping form (see above photo). Like your standard bear hug, but smaller–don’t assume it’s any less vicious.


I think this idea is worth at least a couple hundred bucks. I could see it being made as an iOS game or flash based game. I would personally make it myself, but I don’t know how to program for either platform. If anyone has any thoughts or ideas for different fighters, or is a programmer that wants to make this game a reality please feel free to chime in by leaving a comment!

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Magic the gathering, or how I became friends with the best group of dudes ever!

Part 1: Magic

Magic: The Gathering is a trading card game. That’s right, a trading card game. You can make fun of me all you want, and call me a nerd or geek–I won’t be offended as being called one is now apparently a badge of honor–but just hear me out; Magic is the sole reason I became friends with the greatest group of dudes EVER!

I know most adults my age–I’m 29 years young–have never played this wonderful game, or have even heard of it at all! Let me explain a few things about Magic the Gathering before delving further into what really makes this game truly “magic”.

A typical game of magic involves two players each with their own card decks–in sanctioned tournament play decks are either 40 card minimum for draft formats and 60 card minimum for standard and traditional formats. Games play out in a simulated “duel” where the two players involved take on the role of “planes walkers,” or wizards and use cards, which represent spells, creatures, and magical artifacts to defeat their opponents. The strategy lies in deck construction, and knowing how to use the various cards and abilities to out think your opponents. Out of all the games I’ve ever played, and I’ve played a ton of games (remember I’m a nerd) Magic has had the most strategy and depth I’ve ever experienced. This alone should be a major draw for those individuals that enjoy complex games and systems with infinite possibilities–Magic is always changing, the company that produces the game, Wizards of the Coast are constantly putting out new products on a yearly basis that add new cards to the game, thus continually changing the landscape of the game.

I encourage people who enjoy chess, checkers or other card game fans who like Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, hell, even poker fans should try out Magic–interestingly enough many former Magic champions and players have now moved on to playing poker professionally, but still play Magic for fun–I can guarantee that you won’t be disappointed from lack of variety or complexity.

My favorite aspect of the game, for me comes from the collecting and trading of the cards themselves, hence defining the commonly used term for these types of games– TCG or trading card game. I love reading about the new cards that are released and their impact on the game from a strategic and financial perspective. I’m also amazed and appreciative of all the hard work many fans and deck brewers pore into their articles that are posted to various online outlets. Entire websites are devoted to this “meta” game. You’ll find many excellent websites if you just hit up google with a search for “magic the gathering.”

If any readers would like to ask any questions, or play a game sometime, please hit me up in the comments section below!

Check back soon for part 2 of my article titled: The Gathering

Links, baby! Official website for Magic: The Gathering The premier source for strategy, financial information, and not to mention a huge card store, they also run their own hyper-successful independent tournament scene. Another great source for all things strategy and a great store to boot, they have some of the best free content to go along with some of the best pro players in the game writing for them. More articles about brewing decks and tournament results.

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The walking dead…

"You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."

In what can only be described as a crazy Al Davis-esque move, The Oakland Raiders have traded for formally retired NFL quarterback Carson Palmer from the Cincinnati Bengals. The Bengals caved from their prior stance of not trading the disgruntled veteran quarterback–but who wouldn’t accept such a ludicrous trade offer? It’s baffling as the Raiders basically traded the “entire farm”–a first-round draft pick in 2012 and a conditional first-round pick in 2013– for a quarterback who hasn’t been good in as many seasons as I can recall.

Carson Palmer must be doing a “happy dance” as I type this post.  I can only imagine Palmer hearing of the news from his agent whilst playing golf, or whatever retired people with way too much money do. Palmer does inherit a very manageable situation, as he will be joining a burgeoning NFL contender in the Oakland Raiders, who up until the point were winning with the forever mediocre Jason Campbell as a quarter back. It might be an upgrade, but you can smell the desperation all over this trade.

I could possible eat my words by seasons end if the Oakland Raiders end up winning their division–I have a feeling it wouldn’t be due to the amazing play of Palmer, but the all-world abilities of Darren “Run DMC” McFadden. Who knows, maybe the most powerful lich in the known universe (formerly known as Al Davis) has another magic spell up his cold, evil, undead hands for the rest of the NFL to feel.

Fantasy Implications:


  • Carson Palmer who threw a tantrum prior to the season
  • The Oakland Raiders receivers who Palmer can actually hit without throwing a pick
  • Zombie Al Davis
  • The Cincinnati Bengals and their top draft picks, who will reap the rewards from this heist for the next few years.
  • Jason Campbell, it was nice seeing you in silver and black


  • Oakland Raiders
  • Honor and sticking by your guns, I’m looking at you Mike Brown

Carson Palmer traded to Raiders for first-round pick, future considerations []

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Get outta my face!

The Detroit Lions (5-1) magical run at perfection (they could have been the only team to ever go 16-0 and 0-16) has come crashing to a stop at the hands of the San Francisco 49ner’s (5-1) yesterday. In a game that can only be described as “epic,” culminating in an equally awesome conclusion–a “man-dance” between head coaches, Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwartz.

Both these teams have surprised me with their tenacious play and tough qualities–both taking on the fiery personalities of their head coaches.  The two teams are a helluva opponent for any team in the NFL and it’s high time to believe in not only the preseason darlings Detroit Lions, but also, last year’s trendy Super Bowl sleeper San Francisco 49ner’s.

I’m personally rooting for the Brobowl, Jim Harbaugh vs. John Harbaugh XLVI.  Believe.

Fantasy Notes:

  • Frank Gore: 146 total yards and a score. It looks like his earlier injury woes are behind him. Frank the “tank” was a big reason the 49ners kept the game close and ultimately wound up with the win.  He’s a surefire RB1 going forward, just make sure you have Kendall Hunter as a handcuff or other decent backup options, as he’s still an injury risk.

Niners knock off Lions from ranks of unbeaten []

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Karma, it comes and goes

Rangers book return trip to World Series []

Desert loving in your eyes all the way
If I listen to your lies would you say
I’m a man without conviction
I’m a man who doesn’t know
How to sell a contradiction
You come and go, you come and go — Karma Chameleon, Culture Club

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Run for the Hill-is!

Being a true video game fan, and football fan, I steered clear of Peyton Hillis in all my drafts.  Why? The madden ‘effing curse, baby!

Peyton Hillis has been a disappointment so far in fantasy football circles, where he was drafted by many as a RB1. Hillis is averaging a full yard per carry less than he did last year–when he leapt out of nowhere to become a fantasy football hero. Hillis is averaging just 3.6 yards a carry and has only two rushing touchdowns on 54 attempts for the year. What makes his situation worse is Montario Hardesty is only getting stronger and more carries as the weeks go by. I see the Browns running back situation as a wolf pack of two going forward. Even with the Cleveland Browns playing the Raiders this weekend–who have been the second most generous defense for opposing fantasy running backs this season–I would not trust Hillis.

With baffling poor choices and mediocre play thus far–save for one stud-like performance in week 2 against the Colts–we get to watch the curse unfold and somewhere Madden is laughing, maniacally.

Update:  A reader pointed out in the comments, an ironic twist of fate that I failed to mention in my post. Hillis is straight doomed. Still don’t believe in magic and curses?

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Hulk smash

Watch this hilarious video of the Hulkster “motivating” Tim Tebow, the newly anointed starter for the Denver Broncos.  Is it just me, or is there a new WWE soap opera plot in the making?  I for one would love to see Hulk Hogan doing an atomic-leg-drop-of-doom on a hapless Tebow during a Wrestlemania match, only to have Tebow gain invincibility and mount a furious comeback (Hulk Hogan style, of course) after calling upon his deity for “holy” strength.  I can see it now, wrestling match of the year?

Hulkster drops hammer on Tebow Time  []

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Mega Man and dubstep, holy E-tanks!

So recently I have been listening to a lot of dubstep and stumbled upon this amazing gem.  Mega Man 2 is one of my all-time favorite video games for many reasons–the music being a main one. The Freeze Man stage music was already one of the best tracks from the game, and this dubstep remix just puts it over the top.

If you are interested in hearing more video game dubstep remixes, just head over to YouTube for a quick search and checkout all the awesomeness!

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Dark Souls will make you cry

My, what a devilishly awesome action role-playing game you are.  So awesome in fact, I must write you a haiku.

Monsters in the dark
Tail between my legs and piss
I cry like little girl

I can’t recommend Dark Souls as a title for all gamers. Although, I encourage fans of Demon’s Souls, or any gamers looking for a reason to scream, “bloody murder,” and masochists to give it a try (emo kids don’t have to play this game, because they’re already crying).

Notes: Dark Souls was released October 4th for both the Playstation 3 and Xbox 360.

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